Chapter 3: why I wanted to become a mother

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There is nothing more powerful than creating a person …and there is no greater challenge.

I remember clearly the first time I thought ‘maybe I would like to become a mother’ crossed my mind.

It is scorching hot summer and I am walking a dusty path between rows of summer houses with my cousins. I am 25 and I am finally visiting my birth country, my motherland. Nothing is sweeter than the pull of childhood nostalgia. There are dusty roads everywhere, but this one feels more real than others. I love everything about it even how the dust collects in my sandals and I want to share this love.

In the five years that followed, either hormones, aspiration or arrogance proceed to spike.

I realise that I am thinking ahead, in a way I wish my parents would have. I am researching career trends and constantly trying to understand how to get ahead in this society. I am thinking of education models and their benefits, listening to voices of great thinkers and researchers. And I start to think… ‘sure, maybe I could be a good parent…’

In all business advice, I see lessons for parenting.

While reading nutrition books I think of how to run a family household.

In all Buddhist teachings, I hear guidance on what attitude will help other beings flourish.

Little else begins to be worthy of attention…

Build a business? What for?

Helping others? everyone else seems to be doing their own thing. All 4 of my grandparents have passed on.

Plant a garden? For whom?

Money? What for?

Sometime after turning 26 years old, I saw my body age for the first time. Not by a lot, but this was jarring and unpleasant. I started to desire another person, not so much for the company as to enjoy my body before it eroded further. I thought we could make a child together and reminisce about its marvels decades later. I wanted to invest my energy into a project deserving of the effort. Something I believed in. I found myself in a place where I believed in little else than myself and the possibility of a better future. This coalition, collaboration …no, union this is my definition of a family.

Living together, striving together, collaborating on a better future together.

What could be better?

 

Update:

Since starting out on my journey, I can see how much I am learning with my child; affirming emotion, talking through challenges, lovingly setting boundaries. And this is just the start.